June 30, 2021
Gee Wiz…if I had a nickel for every time somebody said that during a coaching session…
Here’s the story of a few people who’ve turned things around from that. And you’ll see that nothing the other people around them are doing has changed. The change is in our mindset! And that’s what makes all the difference!
Two stories come right to the front of my brain when I think about being the only one. And both of them relate to busy doctor moms. They work full time. One is a pediatrician and one is a family physician. They live on opposite sides of the country. They’re both married. And they are the main bread winners for their families.
So the situation in both cases is this: “I’m the only one who _________.” And it is fill in the blank with just about a million things. And, to clarify, none of those things is the word “works”. Because goodness knows these moms value the work that their stay-at-home dads are doing for their household and for their kids.
The stuff in that blank space are things like:
Straightens up the house.
Thinks or takes care of our finances.
Thinks or plans our kids’ education / school / activities.
Earns money for our family.
Takes an active role in planning for our future.
Cares about eating healthy food.
Etc etc etc…
So what happens with coaching? Their spouses continue to do or not do the same things. But these doctor moms started thinking new thoughts and believing new beliefs. About themselves and about their spouses. About their situation. But mostly about their own agency and their own ability to create opportunities for their husbands to get involved if they wanted to. To invite them in. Whereas before there was frustration & resentment, now there is openness and togetherness.
And it works! They do their best to allow for collaboration and their husbands get to decide what they want to do with the invitation. And then the wives get to work on loving their partners for the wonderful person they are. Not the person they wished they would be.
And both of these docs have experienced MUCH more collaboration within their relationships.